This week was an entire week of vacation for both me and my girlfriend. Which we gladly spent being together. Well, we were together in my bed most of the time, and this didn't go down well with my mum :\ Me and my gf were too lovedrunk to notice ANYTHING happening in the outside world, and we totally forgot about my parents' need for "attention", "privacy" and "politeness".

In short, she forgot to say "hi" and "thank you", 2 simple words, yet they're blowing it out of proportions:

1) Because we stayed in bed most of the week, and slept together (after knowing eachother 6 months mind you), my mum now thinks she sleeps with everyone. She insinuated Fem being a hoe today, after which I wanted to punch her in the face so badly I just HAD to get out of there...

2) Because she didn't say "hi" or "thank you", she's not allowed to stay here anymore. My mum told me I should find a job and get out because my gf isn't allowed access to this house anymore.

I'm having a REAL dilemma atm wether or wether not I should actually get a job, abandon my studies and GTFO, because I don't know if I'll always be able to get out of the room before the punch :\

ATM. I'm hoping she'll quit saying such awfull things about Fem, whom I love more then life <3

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, I completely forgot I had this :p Then again, I've had nothing to vent about the past couple of months.

A few weeks after my last rant, I met this girl on a chatbox, started talking and stuff (yea, that IS what chatboxes are for, PERVERTS), she gave me her MSN, talked some more. And not before long I started having feelings for her, sounds silly doesn't it, having feelings for someone you've never met in RL. The feelings only grew from just liking her to REALLY liking her, and we met just 1 week ago on monday the 21st of august :) We immediatly hit it off, put my arm around her shoulder, gave her a red roze (oh yes, I CAN be romantic if I want to be ^^) etc etc...

Did I mention she's kinda 100% my type (aside from the age thing, no comment)? :o Yea, could be the love talking, love IS blind, but at this moment, I look at her and feel as if I can take on the world <3



Totally unrelated:

Went to see my best bud Rik @ around Manchester again :) I managed to miss my flight the first time, so I had to buy a new ticket @ last minute (EXPENZIVE). To sum it up:

CHESS, and lots of it + movies + coke ^^ ok, we DID go out twice, but nothing really worth mentioning :p

STRIIIIIIIIKE 3

Why do I still bother trusting people? Feels like everyone, not relatives, I've ever known managed to UTTERLY dissapoint me one way or another. All except a handful of people I'd trust my life to.

Today, I was "supposed" to go out on a date, but she managed to call it off 5 minutes before time. I wonder why I didn't see it coming, she kinda is the most beautiful girl I'd ever met. Why would someone like that go out with someone like me anyway?

Can anyone be trusted anymore? I'm starting to hate my own kind, at least animals are cruel because it's their nature, humans are cruel because they WANT to be cruel.

There was a time when I was depressed, I thank her for pulling ME "close" to another one.






I REALLY fear the fear and anger flowing through me atm...

I have none... Seems like every girl I even remotely like, already has a boyfriend she's madly in love with :\


Sucks...

Rik, the one I went to visit 3 years ago, invited me to get to England :). I gladly excepted. In other words, I've got 2 weeks (1 week England, 1 week Holland) planned ahead for round august already, fun fun fun.

Leafslash still hasn't sold my other computer, so I'm still stuck with this machine for the time being :(

The Elders Scrolls 4: Oblivion's out, and as with TES3:Morrowind I'm addicted to it already :s Haven't been online much lately, and it's only getting worse. I hope I can pull myself away from it when the exams come...

Got a concert to play in 2 days. We've been preparing for this with my class for AGES. Now, I finally get awarded 2 pieces to play the lead, and a couple to play backing vocal (*yaaawn*). In those 2 pieces I normally have someone to play the second lead. Now here's my luck coming in again: She hasn't been to school in AGES :\ I'm a bit worried I invited a lot of peeps to come see the concert, while I won't be in it for the most part :\

I'm superbly envious of the peeps who took up light music and jazz while they were young, they don't have problems playing in a band, or playing in an ensemble, while I'm trying to wrestle my way through chords :s 9 years of classical piano, and I can't outplay someone who's younger then me, but has had over 7 years of jazz (and a few years of classical). That just plain SUCKS, bigtime... Mainly because he's taking the piano @ ensemble 90% of the time, while I'm stuck singing! Having not sung for over 6 years, I suck @ singing too, so double shite for me + I'm not really learning anything :S

Starting to think this subject I picked was a waste of my time, should have gone for maths / English at the beginning of this year. Ah well... At least I won't flunk, as shitty as I am at jazz piano, I've got the classical techniques to get me through everything.

Here ends my longest rant yet ^^

See title >_>

Filled with a strange sense of anger and fear, one more then the other, can't tell which is which. I'm afraid that I've completely lost myself, I have forgotten who I am, who I was. Sure I know what I used to be like, yet I cannot remember why I was who I was. More afraid that I've lost something. The only emotions that have been able to creap up to me the past few years have been anger, fear and envy. They're all silent killers, creeping up to you, untill they haunt you everywhere. Fear keeps me from confidence. The only time I'm confident, is when my brain's filled with excitement (aka. adrenaline rush) and for a moment, I forget about everything. The moments I'm one with music, the moments where I can see and hear the notes before they're even played, those moments where I forget there's even such a thing as life, times where there's nothing else then me and the piano.

A closed person I am, closed to everyone.

I am a coward for not resisting to the fear, but embracing it, loving it for being one of the emotions I'm able to feel...

Now SODD off, the lot of you, leave me, let history repeat itself, as it has done my entire life!

Trivial update: I'm getting my own PC soon. Payed for it with my own money for a change.

I wonder if my cousin's still interested in hosting our b-day party together. We'll both be 20 in a few months :) Can't say I'm looking forward to it, mainly because I once imagined I'd have a girlfriend by now *sigh*. I can't seem to find someone with at least ONE of the interests I have... sucks...

1) Computer for the LAN secured
2) Going to the theatre next thursday :D
3) Got into reading and classical music again :D I'm happier again :D
4) People want to know who Eli is... I'm not telling!
5) I REALLY need to get a life... yea...

5 reasons why my bad mood's gone ^^

1) Just wrote a nice-sounding song for one of my classes, so I'm basicly in a good mood again :D
2) LAN-party organised by dFt^Venom and dFt^Leafslash will be held soon'ish, but my dad won't let me take the computer with me... I hope I can get my hands on one, or I'll be unable to go :'(
3) EXAMS :S!! I don't have time to be in a bad mood right now! *runs away from the computer*
4) Renewed love for music, now I listen to pretty much everything I can get my hands on :p (yes, even listened to deloused's DJ'ing =)) If you want proof of my variety, check my "current music" stuff on every entry I've written :p
5) Learned of some people I consider to be buddies they're not much better of then me when it comes to gf's, so I'm not really dispairing anymore ;)




PS. noticed that I didn't link pics to the teaching thingy, and to the meet in England:
Meet in England: http://users.telenet.be/TheWhiteTiger/IMGP0176.JPG
Teaching thingy: http://users.telenet.be/TheWhiteTiger/IMGP0183.JPG http://users.telenet.be/TheWhiteTiger/IMGP0187.JPG http://users.telenet.be/TheWhiteTiger/IMGP0198.JPG

PPS. made a .wav of that song I wrote. It'll sound 10x better in real life + I made it totally unconventionally, so... no complaints about it!
http://users.telenet.be/TheWhiteTiger/Chaos.wav

Ever felt the uncontrollable urge to REALLY beat something or someone up?

Everyday questions:

Soooo, M. how's your lovelife? M: Silent...
Soooo, M. what's up? M: THE FRIGGIN' SKY!! Jeees!!
Soooo, M. how's life? M: Life??
Soooo, M. still no gf? M: ... *disconnects*

Could be my bad mood talking, but... I REALLY feel like punching someone >_> !!

I just love being impulsive :p It gets me into a LOT of different situations I can't control :D

Yesterday I managed to register for light music and jazz in my local music school, this is going to be fun :p 5 hours a week music:

- 1 hour classical piano
- 1 hour classical instrumental ensemble
- 1 hour modern piano
- 1 hour modern instrumental ensemble
- 1 hour modern theory (<-- I hate theory >_>)

And on top of this, I just learned I'll have to go teach (first time, yeay ^^) a song in some elementary school. Thrilled as I am about these new subjects I have, afraid I am about how I'll behave :\ Let's just see where time leads me...

Ever felt alone in a room full of people? Sucks doesn't it?

Ever felt like that your entire life?

Sucks...

Well, basicly I had failed to pass 3 of my courses last year. Meaning I was either forced to redo the entire year (no thanks), or change.

And change I did :o I was studying industrial engineering, now I'm studying music education. So far it's going well, but it's only been a week, and I'm allready worrying if I can handle all this modern music crap :p I've got basicly no theoretical background either, compared to those in my class who've had 6 years of "musical history and culture". I'll just have to see where this leeds for another month. There's a distinct possibility I'm going to switch to "Maths" and "English", since those 2 are my extremely strong points. Well, I know basicly nothing about Shakespeare and stuff, but that's irrelevant for the grades I'll be teaching ^^.

I'm kinda hoping I can stay on course with this though. Music's been THE most important constant throughout my life :)

*wishes people would actually WRITE something in his LJ once and a while >_>*

Norway: 15/08/05 -> 24/08/05

Most beautifull country, ever. Also, most expensive country I've ever been to so far... Seriously enjoyed the good weather and the nice people there. Good thing most people spoke English, because Norse is a damn hard language to understand o_O


England: 27/08/05 -> 30/08/05

Yeay, England. Met my former JKJA masters and other people whom I shall not name here. It was a great vacation, even got drunk the day before departure to the airport (not smart, trust me).

Upside: Speaking English for 4 days (approx), meeting people I've known for 2 years, but never really met in person

Downside: Another one for the big book of failures, yeay '_'; (yea, I'm stacking up on people whom I've liked, but not gotten a mutual liking back), 12 hours in f***ing TRAINS!!, going back home and realising there are exams coming up :(

Yea, another failure, I'm kinda loving the way I continue to f*** up things for myself beforehand allready. Could be just me, but it seems like the right fish either doesn't exist, or continues to elude me.

At long last, my vacation can begin. Looking forward to getting to Norway and England soon'ish :) I'll be able to sleep longer then 5 hours a day again (yeay, back to 7 hours sleep a day :D).





--------- random ranting -------

I finally found the reason WHY I can't just let it all go, and loosen up: the moment I lose control, is the moment my breath loses control :S I've almost suffocated once before, don't want to relive that... I've had over 20-30 major breath loses the past couple of days aswell, can't afford to slip up anything lately, slightest bit of smoke gets to me (people who were sitting 20-30 feet away from me were smoking, and I pay the price for it, UNFAIR!!) :S

--------- / random ranting -----




I've been "sleepwalking through life" again the past 4 weeks. Can't even remember the difference of what I dreamt and what was real. It's an odd yet fun sensation, being in a world inbetween reality and fiction ^^ I'll (probably) snap out of it when I get some real sleep again ;)

I'm not feeling particulary thrilled about the meet though...
On one side: yeay, away from home \o/
on the other side: wtf are we (am I) going to do there o_O





--------- random ranting -------

If my breath stays the way it is at THIS moment, the people around me are going to find me extremely annoying :p Squeeky breath gets me into a bad mood most of the time.

--------- / random ranting -----





Well, on the bright side, if the meet turns out bad, it's only for 4 days >:)

Right, why the hell don't I have any sane, normal friends? One of the main reason I don't go out, or never went out, is because my friends didn't go out either °_°; To me, there's no point in going out, if you don't know ANYONE there. The other main reasons are off course: I hate crouds, I literally choke in smoky/foggy environments (blame an allergy I have had since I was a baby...) AND I don't drink.

Right, now, people tell me to find new friends, BS, have you ever tried mingling into a group?! I had a go at it at my nephew's party, and found myself alone in a group of people °_°; Not exactly my idea of fun...

It doesn't make me feel any better the closest people I'd call my "friends" don't even live near me, they don't even reside in Belgium :p

Long live random ranting on livejournal, now as for the people who I used to call "friends" before finding out they didn't give a sh*t about me: ** **** **********

For some reason, beyond my comprehension, I always seem to fall for girls in a relationship that could never happen...

e.g. Now I've fallen for someone from England, which is
a) out of my reach
b) f***ing expensive


I wonder if I'm doing it on purpose, or if I'm just a f***ing idiot when it comes to relationships...

Here's a thought out of boredom:

Put links to all my fav webcomics :)

http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/

Ethen remind me of me (only EVEN more extreme gamefreakier). I personally find this to be the best online comic :)

http://www.vgcats.com/

I love cats :) Not all comics are funny, most are just plain rude; but I like it anyways :)

http://www.machall.com/

Reminds me of a sitcom somehow o_O. Nicely drawn coloured comic.

http://www.animearcadia.com/

Only updates every now and then. Started reading these comics because the girl reminded me of someone *sighs*...

http://www.stillhonest.com/

Really irregular updates. Love most of the jokes, even though I can't really relate to them :)

http://www.adventurers-comic.com/

Not bad. Poorly drawn characters at some points; but enourmously funny jokes if you're an RPG fan :)

http://www.rpgworldcomic.com/

Same as above, only with nicer looking characters :) (seems to be put on hold for a month or 3 allready :\)


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Online novels:


http://www.megatokyo.com/

SLOOOOOOOOW progress of the story, but enourmous efforts spent on

1) The creation of a great story + background stories
2) Drawings (even though they're all black and white, superb work o_O

http://www.misfile.com/

Just need to get a feel for the story to like this one :)

http://www.starcrossd.net/

I have no words for this one :) Absofuckinglutely superbly drawn online novel o_O
Doesn't update very often because of obvious reasons :)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I know there are more comics out there :p I've read others, but decided to abandon them. The ones I've posted are the ones I couldn't stop reading :)

After removing my previous posts from this journal, I've decided to take a different approach:
Writing down thoughs whenever I'm bored

Here's one:

Why the hell, can't I find a more normal girl to like?!?

1st girl I like(d): Date ended up in a total emotional catastrophe for me. Afterward I found out she had suffered some childhood trauma, and might still be emotionally detached from men
2nd girl I like(d): Online, yea, need I say more? Ended up in her not speaking to me, ah the fun...
3rd girl I like(d): Allready has a boyfriend, yeay...


Another one:

When I'm bored, I make the stupidest of things to keep myself bussy: Here's the proof: http://spaces.msn.com/members/thewhitetiger1986/ a webspace on MSN :\ Could I be any more pathetic?